Introduction

We all dream.

We dream of a better life. A better us.

Even a prisoner in the darkest cell dreams, if only of escape.

Every guru, every spiritual guide, every cult leader knows this. They know how to appeal to this inner dream. "You can be great," they say. "You have greatness within you. Your body, your life, your limitations, are just illusions. You have within you a core that is powerful, aware, transcending time and space."

It's a very, very seductive message. Because we feel that there is a truth there. What is the human mind really capable of? No one knows. Where do we go when we die? No one can answer. Will we ever reach wisdom, freedom, fulfillment, enlightenment? No one can say.

Except the guru. "Follow my path," he says, "and you will have it all."

And not just for yourself. "Follow me," the guru says, "and together we can bring enlightenment and freedom to the world."

Who doesn't want to believe that could be true? If Christ himself were to appear tomorrow and say, "follow me, leave your family, leave your possessions, together we will create the kingdom of God on Earth," how many would simply abandon their lives and go? Especially the young, their minds full of dreams and hopes and aspirations, their hearts yearning for the grand adventure.

I followed such a man for 35 years. L. Ron Hubbard - teacher, guru, adventurer, maverick, pulp writer, lecturer, mystic, genius, con man. A man who was brilliant, loud, colorful, charming, prolific, humorous, bigger than life, and, some would say, quite mad. He had what Anthony Storr called "the charisma of certainty." He, and only he, had the answers, the magic key that would unlock true spiritual freedom for all.

The idea of taking a dream like that and using it to change the world is both inspiring and electrifying. But if you're serious about changing the world, at some point, that airy dream has to translate into some practical actions. How do you package up the idea? How do you sell people on it? How do you get the idea into people's hands? These were the sorts of nuts-and-bolts questions that confronted me as I entered the world of Scientology. And with my advertising and design background, I was called upon to solve these things. And that became the minutiae of my daily life for 35 years.

Seductive, as I say. Tempting to think we had all the answers, that we were saving the world.

And who knows, maybe it could have worked, had Scientology really been creating superior, enlightened, all-knowing beings. Maybe it would have worked if we had all been angels. But we weren't. We were just ordinary human beings pumped up on an adrenaline rush of religious certainty, fervor, and, yes, arrogance.

Gradually, I became aware of the darker side of Scientology. The side that wasn't supposed to be there. I witnessed the fanaticism, cruelty and abuse that comes with the conviction that one's humanity can be sacrificed in the short term to achieve a long-term goal.

Here, then, is how a golden dream turned into a leaden nightmare.