Monday, August 11, 2008

Appendix: Why Speak Out?

My own decision to speak out against my former Church, the Church of Scientology, was inspired by three brave young women who, in 2007, began a website called Ex-Scientology Kids. Kendra Wiseman, Jenna Miscavige Hill and Astra Woodcraft had the courage to tell their stories of growing up in Scientology. You could say they shamed me into it. If they were willing to put their names on the line and face whatever Scientology dished out, then what was I afraid of? So I began speaking about my experiences publicly, first on various online chat groups, then in radio interviews, and finally writing my whole story in my blog, Counterfeit Dreams.

There are many reasons not to speak out. And believe me, I've heard them all.

The first is what I call the "get over it" argument. The person speaking out is characterized as a whining victim who is stuck in the past and should just "move on." People who are former Scientologists may also add the Scientology twist that "you pulled it in" - meaning that anything bad that happened to you in your life is the result of your own bad actions. They might talk about "taking responsibility," which, to a Scientologist, means admitting that anything bad that happened to you in life was your own doing - and therefore you have no right to complain. "Taking responsibility," according to the Scientology way of thinking, means essentially that one should shut up about it and just move on.

This sort of thinking is so pervasive within Scientology that sometimes one does not even need to say these words to an ex-Scientologist - they are already thinking this way. And no one, particularly an ex-Scientologist, wants to be cast in the role of "victim." Scientologists strive to be "cause over life" and don't want to admit, even to themselves, that they have been victimized.

Certainly there are times in life when someone needs to be told to "get over it." If your spouse is still talking about "that guy who cut me off on the freeway" several days later, it's time to remind them to move on. But we are not talking about occasional rudeness or some slight, we are talking about serious and systemic abuse and human rights violations.

One would not tell a battered wife to "forget about it and move on." At least if one retains the slightest spark of compassion or humanity. One would not tell a rape victim that she "pulled it in." One would not tell an aging pensioner who has just lost his life savings to a con artist to "get over it." One would certainly not tell a Holocaust survivor to "stop whining and move on."

The only real victims are those who have been "shuddered into silence" by such callous and bloodless sentiments. The ones who feel they have to live in silence and hold their abuse close to the chest, lest others think less of them. The minute they decide to speak out, they cease being a victim. They are empowered.

There are people who would like all such victims to shut up about it. And key among those are the perpetrators. They can only continue their abuse if no one speaks out. The pedophile priest, the abusive husband, the sociopathic cult leader, can only exist by maintaining layers of secrecy about their real activities, keeping up that front of respectability. They are untouchable as long as their victims keep their mouths shut. The minute their victims open their mouths, the light comes streaming into their sordid little worlds. And the victims aren’t victims any more.

"Forgive and forget" some people say. Well, forgive, maybe, if someone comes to their senses and changes their behavior. Forget – never.

There is a point where silence becomes enabling.

David Miscavige will continue to abuse and beat staff as long as he thinks he can get away with it. But if he knows that his every move will be exposed, he may just think twice about further abuse. The message from those speaking out is "you can’t hide anymore – the world is watching."

Which brings me to the second objection to speaking out. Some of my friends who have left Scientology still cling to its principles. They still believe that there is a lot of good in Scientology, and most importantly, they still believe that Scientology's "OT Levels" are the road to personal salvation. Their belief is that the Church of Scientology was hijacked by David Miscavige and perverted, but that the subject itself is still good. We could argue at some length about this - and in fact we often do! But they object to anyone speaking out about the abuses within the Church of Scientology as they think it would be destructive to the subject of Scientology.

I can imagine that there were Catholics who felt the same way about those who were exposing priest abuse. They didn't want it talked about because they didn't want it to destroy their religion.

But the real question is this: If exposing abuses within a religion results in the destruction of that religion, then who is the source of that destruction - the person who exposes it, or the person who commits that abuse?

As a Scientologist, I was guilty of this kind of flawed thinking. I knew that David Miscavige and others beat and abused staff members. I knew that RPF Members lived in conditions of near slavery. I knew that Scientology's press releases were full of lies. But I shut up about it "for the good of the group." I had the idea that we had to present a united front against "the enemy," defending the Church and its leaders whether they were right or not, abusive or not.

But does that strengthen a Church, or weaken it?

Scientology has this wonderful term, "enturbulated theta" or "entheta." That is, anything which disturbs, agitates or upsets "theta," the life force or spirit. Thus, something that is "entheta" is something that upsets or disturbs Scientologists, and something that is "theta" is something that makes Scientologists calm, reassured or happy. People who make "entheta" statements are declared Suppressive. They are "suppressing" the calmness and happiness of Scientologists.

It has nothing to do with truth.

If a Scientologist were to talk about staff abuse or RPF prison conditions or criminal activities within the Church, that would be "entheta." It would upset people - even though it was true. If they ignore abuses or cover them up, that's "theta." It is calming and reassuring - even though it's false.

Most Scientologists know there is something very, very wrong with their Church. They see the signs. But they choose to ignore them. Why? Because they know that if they speak out, they will be censured. Their statements will be labeled as "entheta" and they could even be "declared Suppressive."

Imagine the Catholic Church threatening to excommunicate anyone speaking out about priest abuse, and you get the insidious oppression that Scientologists have to deal with.

Now imagine the Catholic Church threatening to excommunicate anyone who even listens to anyone complaining about priest abuse.

That's a pretty tight leash.

If there is one word that characterizes the operations of Scientology, it is secrecy. There is absolutely no transparency of operations. Scientologists have no idea where their money goes or who receives it. Scientologists are not allowed to know the names of the people running their own Church, outside of a few prominent figureheads. Church plans and operations are shrouded in "confidentiality." Staff are not allowed to speak candidly about their lives to outsiders, even close family. And any activity above them in the command echelon is kept secret from them. Sea Org Members are not allowed internet access, cell phones, radio or TV. Scientologists are discouraged from researching Scientology or Hubbard's life on the internet or visiting anything but the approved Church websites. Staff who leave have to sign elaborate "gag orders" that they will never reveal what went on inside.

Why? Why all this secrecy?

Scientology promotes itself as the "Road to Truth."

Yet it can’t face the truth.

Anyone who considers themselves a Scientologist – whether in the Church of Scientology or not – has to decide whether they want to be part of a religion that is based on truth, or one based on lies and secrecy.

It is time to ask those questions you never dared to ask before, and to reveal what you never dared to reveal before.

Which leads to the final objection – isn’t speaking out against the Church of Scientology dangerous? Don’t they come after anyone who dares to blow the whistle on them?

Sure, they try to. Hubbard’s policy is to always, always "attack the attacker." Never defend, always attack. So anyone who speaks out opens themselves to such an attack.

Every totalitarian regime, every fanatical movement, starts with a glittering goal, whether it’s a utopian future, a Third Reich or a Cleared Planet. The goal is so huge and so all-embracing that it seems that it will solve all of the problems of the world. In the future utopia, there is no war, crime or insanity. Everyone lives in peace and harmony, if they follow the One True Path.

"Obviously" anyone who opposes the group or movement or regime is an enemy – an infidel, nonbeliever, "wog" or Suppressive. Therefore ruthlessness against such enemies is not only condoned, it is required and rewarded. Those willing to set aside their humanity and become cold, fanatical and cruel instruments of the greater good will rise to the top of such a movement. Those who get in their way become "enemies" and are destroyed.

Thus a Hitler can come to power. Or a David Miscavige.

The Church of Scientology reacts as all fanatical groups react – by vilifying and denouncing anyone who dares to speak out against them or question their tactics.

And, like other fanatical religious groups, the biggest weapon they wield against their own followers is the granting or withholding of eternal salvation. This is not a joke to Scientologists. They believe literally that they are spiritual beings who were trapped and enslaved into human bodies millions of years ago, condemned to live life after life in darkness and ignorance, never knowing they live again and again. The promise of the "OT Levels" is that one will gain full awareness and thus remember one’s past lives and so achieve immortality, life after life. This is what Scientologists believe. This is what I believed.

So being "declared Suppressive" is not just name calling. It means that one is cut off from one’s "eternity" as a spiritual being. That is a heavy threat. To a Scientologist, it is not just the threat of death – it is the threat of death after death after death.

So Scientologists toe the line. They may notice something is wrong, but they won’t bring it up. They may see abuse, but they’ll keep quiet about it and try to pretend that everything is OK. They won’t speak out, or complain, or make a fuss. They do what they are told. If they don’t, they know they will have to visit the Ethics Officer. They will have to do "lower conditions." They will have to get "Security Checks" – at their expense. And at the end of it, if they don’t toe the line, they know that expulsion and a Suppressive Person declare awaits them.

It is spiritual blackmail.

Ask yourself, if that is the level of threat and duress that it takes to keep Scientologists in line, then is it really a religion, or has it become, finally, a fanatical, mafia-like cult?

I’m not here to argue the truth or falsity of Scientology’s "OT Levels." That is a matter, really, of religious faith. People can believe in whatever spiritual path they choose. But what Scientologists are not told is that Hubbard’s "OT Levels" have all been published online, and are even delivered by "Freezone" Scientology groups who have no connection to the Church of Scientology.

It is time to stop buckling under the Church of Scientology’s spiritual blackmail.

Suppressive Person is a meaningless term, even more so after its overuse as a political weapon within the Church. These days it means "anyone who gets in David Miscavige’s way."

Sure, if you speak out they will try to silence you. They will call you a liar. They will try to label you as a criminal or a terrorist or anything else they can pull out of their tired old bag of tricks. But every day, there are more and more people willing to speak out, and fewer and fewer willing to tell or support or listen to their lies. Every day, the Church has less money and less time and less people to carry out their vindictive attacks. Yet the numbers of their critics and whistleblowers is growing daily.

We are at a tipping point.

More and more Scientologists are quietly withdrawing their support from the Miscavige regime. Many are walking away from the Church of Scientology altogether. Key Church executives are defecting. Many are now speaking out, telling what they know. Doors and windows are being opened to let light in to the secret, dark world of Scientology.

If Scientology survives at all, in any form, it will be because Scientologists stopped tolerating abuse and lies and criminality in the name of their religion, tore down the veils of secrecy and demanded full transparency. It will be because present and past Scientologists had the decency and humanity to stand up and speak out, regardless of the threats and the attempts to silence them. And it will be because past Church executives had the courage to do what they know is right.

I don’t seek the destruction of Scientology. David Miscavige has already accomplished that, almost singlehandedly. I do demand that the truth be told, that the walls come down, and that common standards of human decency and honesty prevail.

It is time to speak out.

26 comments: said...

"slave chains forged of lies ares stronger than the finest steel"

Congratulations on breaching the real wall of fire...leaving the mental stranglehold of scientology.

and may you be blessed for helping others to see the whole of the truth instead of "acceptable truth".

Arnie Lerma
for our friends and family,
to get them out while they still
have their lives..

chuckbeatty77 said...

Here here! Hopefully more people wise up and get literate enough to speak out who should.

Ex bigtime Scientology leaders need to step up and speak up.

Any rational adult who is reasonably well educated sees the futility of Hubbard's Scientology at this point in world history.

Scientology is going nowhere.

It only cons the hopeful with its sleight of hand dissemination techniques, the bait and switch, do the intro courses, keep giving the public "wins" and "move them up the Bridge" to the "body thetan" removal OT 3, 4, 5, and 7 levels, all the while soaking the "able" (got-bucks) dupe Scientologists.

Dianetics today, Xenu holocaust and body thetan removal tomorrow.

That's Scientology.

A long drawn out con/fraud.

It's a club, that hoodwinks members into thinking it is legitimate.

The name, Scientology, says it all.

Created as a fake fraud subject, it is pretention all the way through, up to the OT 8 state of being, which is self-delusion and enforced acceptance of a state of mind that is NOT terribly different from drinking 2 beers.

Scientologists have Hubbard's prolific writings sitting on their shelves telling them they are right for being Scientologists.

The Scientology bubble world is Hubbard's "creation." And they join in, and keep the "show on the road."

They don't even see their goals will never be accomplished, there is no intelligent acceptance of Hubbard's ideas, and never will be.

The Scientologists submit to Hubbard's paranoid role model mindset, as he was never accepted, he wrote the protective layers of dogma and penalty codes, that now keep all the Scientologists stuck in the bubble world that is L. Ron Hubbard's view of the world.

Scientology/Hubbard's setup is a heartless irrational authoritarian setup worse than the world they profess to wish to reform.

They don't see it, since Hubbard didn't see it, and they are conditioned by Hubbard's prolific writings to assume his viewpoint.

One's man's blindness to the valid criticism that came his way, he's now transferred his blindness and his fantasy beliefs, to a group that keeps up his fantasy.

The only genius Hubbard posessesed was in duping people to accept his totalitarian setup. Most public people reject Scientology from the get go, as the name Scientology is dripping with pretension, and indeed Hubbard's genius was in duping the "suckers born every day" would innately politely look the other way when staring right at the Hubbard glaring pretension.

Hubbard was so damn prolific it takes years to unwind from all of Hubbard's clever 1984ism ideas that get into one's head.

Hubbard's redefinitions of what is "good" and "bad" take time to unwind from.

Most people instinctively see Scientology as "bad" and that's all anyone needs to know.

It ain't just Miscavige. The Hubbard 1984ism prolific setup, is authoritarian and full of "suppressive acts" that keep the members walled into Hubbard's viewpont, which is clearly warped, about the world.

There aren't any "body thetans."

Hubbard starts people off with Dianetics, and ends them up battling and talking to their imaginary "body thetans" to supposedly relieve themselves.

That's fraud.

Cathy said...


Maybe someday we'll hear from Mike Rinder. Wouldn't that be a hoot?!

Unperfekt PDX said...

You have a nice part in a video that was created recently:

Wisened One said...

Thank you for speaking out about the TRUTH about what goes on behind those closed doors.

Thanks to brave people like YOU, I am ex-staff and an now an ex-scn of four years!

Big Hugs!

HollyAZRN said...

Hell of a job, Jeff. You have doned the world a great service with your work writing your experiences and giving your wonderful insight. Thank you.


Unknown said...

Thank you for taking time - I know from experience it does take a lot of time- to dissect the whole foul scheming Hubbard constructed in order to make money. He wanted $ and more $: clearing the planet? what a joke! never intended to!
"Want a million dollar? found a religion!"
And that's it, that is what Hubbard did.
Simple! thought DM ; all I have to do is to continue the con and install TERROR on top of it.
Unfortunately he is not clever enough to understand that TERROR never last long as history showed.
This is the beginning of the end for DM & for the big fraud called $cientology.
Mille bravos monsieur Hawkins
Best regards
"The Guru's Gulags or the Story of an Escape "

Unknown said...

Hey Jeff! One of your ex "juniors" here. So happy to see you out.

Your blog has been great, and very helpful. All the behind-the-scenes things are extremely helpful in filling in the blanks, and I've consumed your entire blog in one sitting. I remember a lot of these campaigns, and the parts of them that seemed crazy/wrong. Now I know why!!

That crazy stuff where Ronnie just makes unsurveyed crap up became the "gold standard" for goofy marketing up and down the lines in scn from that point on, and I feel has contributed to the shitstorm they are suffering now. I've seen execs using the "just make it up" tech-shit rolls downhill, does it not?

I've not published my own story as I am very busily helping on other fronts, and my anonymity is key in doing this. But I just had to find a way of saying hello and thanks to you, and a "hail fellow, well met." :)

I'd love to have a beer with you when this is all over.

89 said...

Thanks for this. It's important for those who haven't been inside to understand why people don't speak out sooner, and to help them to speak out to the right people.

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please consider recording and releasing your story as a "Book on Tape" that can be sold or copied and distributed enmasse. It is so well done I would listen to it over and over again and I am sure hundreds of thousands - if not millions - would do the same.

Jimmy said...

Well done Jeff. Beautifully written and a great read.

Also loved that it wasn't just all Vitriol and you included some of the good times you have had etc. At times I think some of the opponents of Scientology carry on in a way that they appear almost as mad as some scientologists.

I am an Ex Outer Org Trainee at FLB and Staffer. So was never in the SO but could see the madness when I got to flag. I got out about 8 years ago after only being in for 5 and I still find myself unscrambling my head at times so I can only imagine how hard you find it.

Good luck

Unknown said...

Jeff, that was amazing in so many ways. You are so articulate, so eloquent, and you wirte with such elegance. This is a must-read for everybody, especially anyone who is or has ever been involved with this greedy, viscious, criminal cult.

+9001 internets

Deborah said...

The spiritual blackmail you talk about can go a step further. I swallowed what we were constantly told -- that if ANYONE in the universe did not eventually go "free" then NOONE could be free. It was used to motivate recruitment. But during the many, many months I struggled with whether to leave scientology, I worried that my doing so could cost every being in the universe their spiritual freedom. Luckily I eventually woke up to the idiocy (and perverted genius) of that idea. By the way, I no longer dignify scientology by including the word "church" nor by capitalizing its first letter.

Deborah said...

There's an even more insidious spiritual blackmail that I swallowed -- the claim that if each and every being didn't "make it," then no one would be able to make it. As I struggled with the idea of leaving, I struggled with the crushing thought that I might be risking the total freedom of everyone in the universe! Thank goodness I eventually woke up to the idiocy!



The secret most un-exposed about Scientology is that is it an “applied physiological philosophy” rather than an “applied religious philosophy”. All Scientology courses, all auditing processes, and all the management and professional courses are based on physiological phenomenas, psychophysiology, emotions, human behavior patterns etc., that are our birth right and used in Scientology as their own discoveries. Even their PTS-SP data is based upon how a “Symptom” re-stimulation is brought out by physiological reactions of the mind affecting the body when under stress. They blame innocent human beings called by them “suppressive persons” for bringing out a symptom that was there to warn you of hidden real illnesses caused by non-suppressive sources such as parasites, chemicals, poisons, toxins, viruses and bacteria. The data on PTS-SP is twisted by them to blame innocent people in order to keep them in line.

The only way to fight them is to expose to the world--how Scientology has used physiological phenomenas as the basis for a false religion. How it has harmed families by claiming that innocent mothers and fathers are SPs -- when they lied about symptom re-stimulations to the world.

No where in Scientology will you find courses or services on any bible, there is no study or belief in heaven, hell, saints, angels, the devil, or even God himself. They do not study religion or even believe in religions. They do not share common values with any other religion. Their goal is to eliminate all other religions.

The E-meter reads your physiological reactions, the Ronbots never calls it that—they call it the “CHARGE” or the “MASS” or “ENGRAMS” OR “MENTAL IMAGE PICTURES” that you have in your brain—all meant to distract you from the truth.

Know this fact --- There is a law of Nature or law of God called “Physiological Reactions” that is the true secret behind Scientology’s Dianectic study technology.

AUDITING ERASES AND LESSONS YOUR PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTIONS!!! Once they are gone – your symptoms can’t be re-stimulated by stress or arguments. This is NOT a good thing, because ALL doctors depend on symptoms to guide them in treating you! This is why they prohibit you from seeing the doctors of your choice!!! Understand now how the scam works? Now when you argue with your mother and don’t get sick – you think she was the cause of all your illnesses.

If you were audited a hundred times over and over again (repetitive auditing) for a word that you were ordered to never clear or understand, and then made to read a page that contained that word—it would never again read on the Emeter or cause a physiological reaction.
Both Psychiatry and Scientology treats the symptoms of the mind and not the real causes of mental illnesses, one with drugs and one with erasing physiological reactions called Engrams or mental image pictures! Which one is worst? Drugs you can stop, but the other is irreversible and also a dangerous and deadly scam.

With the knowledge contained here, psychiatry will defeat $cientology easily.

LRH discovered that when you passed a misunderstood word—you manifested many reactions of various types: Yawning, sleepiness, not there feeling, dizziness, blurry eyes, nervousness and dozens more.

Being the liar that he was, he claimed that physiological reactions which he now calls “Dianetics” was “‘his” invention and not a law of God; he hid the fact that it is our human inheritance since time began.

Granted that his power of obnosis (observation) was the best in the world, his crime against humanity was to make a “religion” based upon the falsehood, that it was his very own invention or creation and not a law of God belonging to all Humanity as their lawful right.

For proof that the Cult has lied to you: -- Google “L. Ron Hubbard and Physiological Reactions” or visit their own Godless websites: or

LRH used God’s Natural laws to make slaves of mankind!

“So long as a physiological phenomenon remains the knowledge of a few and is denied to the many it can be utilized to control the many.” LRH (from Journal of Scientology Issue 4-G from Oct. 1952)

“This universe has long been looking for new ways to make slaves. Well, we've got some new ways to make slaves here.” LRH (from PDC tape lecture #20 “Formative State of Scientology, Definition of Logic”, given on 6 Dec 52)

"All men shall be my slaves! LRH

All women shall submit to my charms! LRH

All mankind shall grovel at my feet and not know why!" [L. Ron Hubbard, "Affirmations", late 1940s] Affirmations, exhibits 500-4D, E, F & G. See Church of Scientology v Armstrong, transcript volume 11, p.1886.

"Somebody some day will say 'this is illegal'.
By then be sure the orgs say what is legal or not."
L. Ron Hubbard, HCOPL 4 January 1966

"THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM”. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them." - L. Ron Hubbard, "Off the Time Track," lecture of June 1952, excerpted in JOURNAL OF SCIENTOLOGY issue 18-G, reprinted in TECHNICAL VOLUMES OF DIANETICS & SCIENTOLOGY, vol. 1, p. 418

" not a religion." - L. Ron Hubbard, CREATION OF HUMAN ABILITY, 1954, p. 251
L. Ron Hubbard’s religion before he discovered physiological reactions was “Satanism”.
He wanted to invent a new religion masked as being good, but in fact its goals were totally evil so that he could take his place on the "Throne of the Beast," which he firmly believed himself to be the rightful heir. Being an evil Satanist he wanted to destroy all other religions and have Scientology as the only religion left on Earth. He wanted to be the RULER of the NEW WORLD ORDER and sit on the Throne of the Beast.

All living beings have physiological (The functions and activities of life or of living matter such as the organic processes of organs, tissues, or cells) phenomenas (observable reactions known through the senses rather than by thought or intuition), or physical manifestations (made evident by showing or displaying) or physical reactions, that we see or feel as symptoms, and they are external and/or internal or visible signs or warnings given to us, by our creator to help us survive, help us increase our potential, our knowledge and our health.
All life on Earth has these cause and effect reactions called physiological phenomenas. All living beings whether they are plant, insect, retile or animal or human could not live without these reactions. They influence the body’s and the mind’s reactions to any form of stimuli, and have an influence on every cell of the body and mind.
[Noun. Physiological reaction – Is an automatic instinctive unlearned reaction to a stimulus.]
[Examples of physiological reactions: inborn reflex, innate reflex, instinctive reflex, reflex response, unconditioned reflex, accommodation reflex, Babinski reflex, belching, headache, migraines, swelling, sweating, erections, blinking, blushing, burping, defecation reflex, disgorgement, involuntary eye blinking, farting, skin flush, gag reflex, goose bump, goose pimple, gooseflesh, involuntary gulping, involuntary hiccup, knee-jerk reflex, light reflex, puking, papillary reflex, rectal reflex, regurgitation, shaking, shiver, shock, sneezing, startle, stretch reflex, suckling reflex, trembling, upset stomach, vomiting, involuntary winking, yawn, yawning -- plus hundreds more.]
Ron studied Physiological reactions more than most scientists and applied it to invent a new Religion.
He did not invent but copied the laws of nature and scammed the whole world into thinking that he alone discovered these reactions and no one else did. What he did do - was noticed the reactions of students and from this scam invented Dianetics “study tech”.
Examples of Physiological reactions of the body and mind when reading:
Falling asleep while reading - yawning, confusion, feeling blank, feeling anxious, not there feeling, tearing eyes, eyes going out of focus, dizziness, reeling, rebelliousness, headaches, skipping words, feeling nauseous, fidgeting, jumpy while reading, can’t stay still, mispronouncing words, feeling as if you are squashed, feeling as if you are over-whelmed, twitching, can’t apply what you are reading, can’t understand what you are reading, etc. are all due to physiological reactions when you read misunderstood words or misunderstood definitions.
The Cult’s method of healing called “Touch Assist” is nothing more than erasing the physiological reactions of PAIN. Physiological reactions are the clues from the law of God called “The Law of Cause and Effect”; for every action there is a reaction. A complete understand of these two laws of God can be used to learn to self-heal.
To understand the sinful secrets of your enemy –is to know exactly where to hurt him.
Scientology’s copyrighted files on based upon the laws of Nature and laws of God; they are in violation of copyrights and patent rights. Therefore, the contents or subjects can be used by anyone and can be talked about without fear of any lawsuit.
Everything you do produces a reaction in your body and mind. Every time you read, eat, sleep, rest, run, etc. produces a reaction.
To tell your mother that you invented a new religion, because you discovered why you farted, is a good example of the scam that Ron pulled on you. He got away with it because the world did not see these reactions as they applied to reading. Or if some scientist saw and knew it—he did not protest it and allowed a Cult to claim it as their own new discovery.
If you want to destroy the cult, study your own reactions each time you do something—learn to read yourself and use your own power of obnosis to discover the real world within and around you.

Yours truly

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright Ronbothunter--- All Rights Reserved, Without Prejudice UCC 1-308 & 1-103.6 including rights under the UCC and common law remedies. I reserve my right not to be compelled to perform under any contract or commercial agreement that I did not personally sign and enter knowingly, voluntarily and intentionally and especially if I was not given full disclosure. I do not accept the liability of the compelled benefit of any unrevealed contract or commercial agreement.

Anonymous said...

Great read, Jeff... A real "page turner". You should seriously consider expanding where you can and putting this into mainstream publication.

One small point though: Wasn't Ex-SCN Kids launched in 2008, not 2007? I'm sure Jenna and Kendra launched the site *after* the "Rise of Anonymous", because I remember seeing the announcement on

~ ~ ~ said...

There's such a beautiful irony to this: David Miscavige is unmocking the pedestal on which he's stood, and is bringing the "church" down in the process... evidently blind to the fact that he's the cancer eating away at the organization.

Those of us who left before 2007 have been getting phone calls over the last couple of years from each of the orgs we went through on our way up the "bridge". When I hear from ASHO, AO, and Flag -- all within several weeks of one another (after not hearing from them for many years) -- I KNOW stats are down, and that DM is riding hard on the poor souls still trapped in their hopes and/or fears.

Your stories dovetail with those of other former execs, who are also now sharing what they know. Hurrah!

Thanks for making the time to write, for writing so well, and for contributing to a more rounded picture of what was going on "uplines". As a former staffer (non-SO) none of this was real to me until I left. But the doubts you mention (the ones we shove aside until we can't anymore), are very real. It took me 16 years to get up the courage to really look. That "tipping point" must vary with each of us. But I agree: the whole of the organization appears to be approaching a consequential change.

Congratulations on discovering your own life, your own truth, and your right to be who, and as, you are. ("Counterfeit Dreams" is a great title, by the way.)

ex-CCI said...

Thanks so much for this!

I was in the SO for much less time than you -- and it wasn't nearly so dramatic! Yes, I can understand and resonate with every word you wrote, for I saw it all in miniature.

Even most public, if they've been around for any length of time, can know the truth of what you write. All the signs are there.

The Church can try to conceal, but it can't really hide its true character from those who become familiar with it.

We must all be honest with ourselves and admit we knew it all along. We just refused to see it.

truthseeker said...

When I was still a Scientologist the 'enemies' were not credible for me because they sounded fanatic, unable to see shades between black and white.
Also today there is so much shouting against Scientology. And I find it difficult to understand how so many ex-scientologists had had wins and applied the tech - and after leaving the Church they decide that EVERYTHING about Scientology is just crap.

I have never believed the whole story. From the beginning on very much of what I read from LRH seemed to me just nonsense. But I also found thoughts and ideas which made sense and still help me in life.
With my auditing I did not accomplish what I had hoped for - but I gained quite a bit though.

I almost never searched the Internet for 'antagonistic' thoughts for one simple reason: I was not fond to pay for additional auditing time and not to spend time with the Ethics officer who would drive me mad as his world consisted only of Scientology while Scientology was only a small part of my world.

So much shouting against the Church. I find this important as well.
But it feels sooo good to read about Jeff's thoughts.
Previous comments have given him compliments, expressing it much better than I can. But I fully agree.

What is amazing about Mr. Miscavage's empire: Even very bright and observing and ethical persons like Jeff voluntarily stay in the SO even though they have the unlimited view behind the curtain where backstage DM treats executives like a bad tempered school teacher treats little boys.

I DO understand that the idea of leaving implies so much for a staff. How will be life among the WOGs, outside of Truman's world? One hopes that things will get better...

I think that is so important that ex-SO members - the real insiders- encourage one-another to speak out, best of all in a way that they can be heard everywhere in the world.

Yes, I have the feeling that the Church slowly dies in the Western world. But I am afraid that it will become even stonger as it was as it is growing in Asia and Africa. Not so much income - but these are countries where people are uncritical, and Ministers for education will be happy if the Church of Scientology assists in taking care of educating kids.

Before the Church will start running ministeries and governments - I hope that somehow the head of the octopus will be destroyed.

One more thought: What would be Scientology today if David Miscavage would not have fucked up the Church but someone would have taken over who would have followed all LRH policies?

Would you look more happily into that Brave New World then?

So maybe we should say: 'Thanks David for being so destructive. You are about to kill the entire Scientology system like Hitler killed the Nazi system. Had Hitler been more modest ... Who knows?

Unknown said...


You rock.


Atevamouse said...

"When you stop fighting you stop living. We all need that one thing that's worth fighting for, maybe it's a certain someone or a special place, maybe it's just an idea. So find your fight and fight like hell 'til your battle is won."

Your blog is a constant encouragement for we who refuse to stop fighting until the battle is won.

Christine McElhannon said...

Very well designed and informing blog. I liked it to mine. Glad your out of it all.

Outside the Box said...

Jeff - We worked together for almost the same amount of time in the SO. I read your chapters and was tremendously

impressed by your wrap-up appendix. Something clicked when I read one of your paragraphs and I realized how

marginalized my head had become, how many wrong whys were pumped into me to keep me quiet because I was anything

but quiet. I wrote KRs, I wrote reports, I even wrote up on DM, and the result was always the same. I was labelled

disaffected, either sent to the RPF or removed from post because I simply would not shut up about what I was

seeing. It was a rough road and one where I felt considerably crushed. Life seemed to go out of me for many years

and the last twenty years in the Sea Org were generally not happy ones as I could not be myself within that group.

That was entirely the doings of DM and his mentality which sifted down into the group. An OT with a mouth was not

appreciated. He wanted servile yes men, who toed his line and otherwise shut up. I've regained a lot of what I lost

in that time period. It's been a lot of soul searching and spotting countless wrong whys, hundreds of hours of sec

checking and FPRD to "find out what's wrong with me." and all the rest which you experienced too. Looking back at

it, I'm not sure what else I would have done. I don't regret the experience, and Scientology still remains

invaluable to me, but suffice to say the more I spot the lies and see the truth, the harder I'm coming back at him

until he steps down and Scientology is back in the right hands. Good on writing your story. It is insightful and as usual, has your flair.

Outside the Box

Unknown said...

Cheers Jeff.

I enjoyed your story immensely. It clearly reveals the true artist within.

I happen to have had the good fortune to get my training and auditing and then get the Hell out ASAP without too many scratches. I was only a public, but I could feel the invisible walls of suppression all around me esp. at AOs.

For all the reasons to disconnect from Scientology, you have yet served up the very best one:

"How could I possibly attain complete spiritual Freedom when those that facilitate it are pounded into the ground?

It seems to me, unless that is handled first, I have no further business to personally pursue that objective.

How could one possibly conceive achieving a greater spiritual world by degrading those that are charged with the responsibility to make that happen?

I'm sorry, but even a 4 year old can easily understand that.

"If they enrolled, they're aboard, and if they're
aboard, they're here on the same terms as the rest of us -- win or die in the

What does "dieing" have to do with anything?

Yet another Mystery to be unlocked at OT-15 or Miscavige's strictly "Confidential EP" for the Sea Org?

As of this point, I am also done with all the SCN mumbo-jumbo nonsense.

If clearing the planet means to have the entire World pocket-looted, abused and enslaved by some RTC tyrant, I'd be the first one to join any militia to put that delirium out of its misery.

Thanks for turning on a very bright light, Jeff !!!

Paula said...

Inspiring and beautifully written. I finally understand how caring and intelligent people got into Scientology in the first place and stayed for so long. Thank you.

Moochie said...

Thank you Mr. Hawkins for having the courage and grace to tell the truth. Your words will help inestimable numbers of people, both in and outside the "church" of Scientology.

Since I read Dienetics over 35 years ago I had thought the entire thing a stupid fraud, and everything I've learned since then has only confirmed my initial appraisal.

I wish to the very best for now and the future. Again, thank you.